The Mountain Mouth

TerrierTown Dog Rescue, Free Cheese and more Priceless Advice

Week One as Emperor of Five Acres and a Trailer September 7, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — themountainmouth @ 3:27 am


In “Julia Child Rules”, author Karen Karbo writes: “…she could spend her life trying, and always failing, to be cast as a princess, or she could embrace her height, her quick wits and big personality and she could go with it. She could own her role as the Emperor, who, unlike a princess, is active, not passive, takes up a lot of space, strides around issuing edicts and proclamations. Expresses not desires, but demands.”

I chose Chapter Two, Be the Emperor, to live for a week because having fallen from my horse I am stuck in a green leather throne (it reclines!). As much as I am a normally control freak, and insist on doing everything for myself, suddenly, and for the next few weeks at least, I must depend on others for everything.

I can’t work, or drive. Or feed my horse, nor muck his corral. I can’t clean house, or cook anything more elaborate than a smoothie, or even wash my own hair.
Right away I realized I could whine about my fate – or enjoy being treated like, well, royalty! Of course, I strive to rule my kingdom benignly, always saying “Thank You Sweetie”, and so far I have not chopped off anyone’s head.


The Blind Leading the Blond.

I am incredibly fortunate to have a loyal subject, who like me is somewhat captive in our little empire. My lover and Best Friend of the Opposite Gender Is Dave. He’s blind, having been born with glaucoma, and became completely blind at age 14 after a botched operation. We share a five acre property where I have my trailer, he has his which he shares with his 14-year-old daughter, Princess Crankypants. In addition to Dad duties, he sings and plays Swamp Music for food and tuppence at the local Farmer’s Market and bars.
Because Dave’s blind, I’m used to doing all the driving; and when out and about, he lightly holds my elbow, and I try to not walk him in front of a truck or off a steep curb without warning. But since breaking a couple ribs in my fall, I am the one leaning on him, as he strikes far beyond his comfort zone by feeding the mustang, dogs, chickens, watering the garden, feeding me and monitoring both my bowel health and my Vicodin intake.

While an unexpected injury has the potential to be awful and stressful, we have embraced it as an unasked for gift of Time. We spend all day lounging and FaceBooking. Napping and watching old movies and talking politics and gossiping and laughing, although that hurts. I tell him “Quit it!” and he makes a face.
Right now he’s making breakfast burritos from his homemade salsa and eggs from our chickens. I am not allowed to help; and I sit here and Blog. After he feeds me, I won’t even worry about the dishes. I shall post my blog then watch “Chopped” or read Cheryl Strayed’s first novel, and later fall sleep right here in my throne. In the morning I plan a bath, and Dave can wash my hair.

God help me – I could get used to this! Thanks Karbo! *

-Emperor Kate Mac MountainMouth

*Dave may not necessarily agree.


7 Responses to “Week One as Emperor of Five Acres and a Trailer”

  1. Sarah Aumann Says:

    Ha ha ha – you are in your element!

  2. Love it. Thanks for sharing your wit and wisdom on being injured. From one who’s recently been there. (I still can’t clean my shower, do you think Dave would do it?) having a sense of humor is a great necessity. Learning to be taken care of is not as easy as it seems, is it? Especially loved the photo caption! You two are truly an inspiration!

  3. Karen Karbo Says:

    Kate, this is so sassy and full of life. Dave sounds like an amazing guy, and his care for you as you recover is both bad ass and astonishing. I love that you’re getting to be the emperor. Julia would approve!

  4. joyweesemoll Says:

    Excellent attitude! But I do hope you heal quick and well.

  5. […] to live Rule #2 Play the Emperor.  Kate, who got tossed off her horse and broke two ribs, is learning how to be waited on like royalty. She reports that she is a good emperor, and has yet to order any […]

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